Soulmate BLOG

How important do you think sexual attraction is in a relationship?  On a level of one to 10 with 10 being strongly important, would you answer a 27?  The majority of the people asked this question, if answered honestly will agree that sexual attraction is highly important in a relationship.

How many times have you gone out on a first date and not really felt any chemistry?  Of those dates how many of them have you dated a second time or third time, probably not many if any.  Sexual attraction or chemistry is what connects people.  It doesn’t mean it needs to be acted upon, but without it, yes, you can like someone but picturing a life long relationship with them would be hard.  When you cannot even picture yourself wanting to kiss the person sitting across the table from you how can you really consider building anything more then a friendship with them.

The debate comes in regarding pre-arranged marriage when sexual attraction comes into question.  People will argue that when pre-arrange marriages were done that often times they were sight unseen yet they stayed married without knowing first if there was any sexual attraction.  They would be correct in that part of their argument, however, that is a culture, one they were raised in, and they did what was expected of their culture.  They did not have the option of choosing their own mate and had they of they may not have made the same choice.

We have an option to choose whom we choose to date and marry and in doing so, it is only natural to be more attracted to someone whom you feel chemistry.  Sometimes you can tell right off the bat if there is a level of sexual attraction on a first date.  Other times you may feel something but are unsure exactly if it is a sexual chemistry and it may take a few more dates to see if a relationship is worth exploring.  However, just because there is a sexual attraction does not mean it is an instant love connection either.  And in some instances, I am sure there are those who had zero sexual attraction who did later develop some level of chemistry; however it is a rarity, fantastic, however rare.  So I am not totally discouraging exploring a deeper relationship with someone you like but have no sexual attraction towards, just as long as you are realistic and honest with your partner that you are not feeling sexual attraction towards them.

Is sexual attraction something that can grow over time, obliviously it is but it may take some work and some sacrifices.  The lack of sexual attraction may be due to the other partner’s physical appearance.  If need that can be rectified to a point, lose weight, get cosmetic surgery (although that would be a bit extreme) or change hairstyles.  It may be due to a lifestyle habit, be the partner smokes or drinks too much that turns the sexual attraction off for the other partner.  If the other partner is wiling to make the needed changes for the sake of the relationship, then fine, as long as they are not feeling badgered into change.  This could end up in resentment and cause the relationship to end anyhow.  It is also no guarantee that after making requested changes that the sexual attraction level will increase.

No matter how much you may like someone and there is no sexual attraction you cannot fake it either.  You might be able to explain away less then desired intimacy for a while but eventually the truth will shine through.  Be honest from the get go and save your partner from any unnecessary heartache.

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