Soulmate BLOG

Why do women feel the need to tell a man shortly after meeting their full life story, some as often as the very first date? The main reason women do this is to validate why they are single. They do so out of fear if they don’t, a man may think something is wrong with them, however if they thought for just one moment before going into the lengthy conversation about their past ex’s they would realize the person they are sitting across from is also single. Did they give it a second thought to think that there was something wrong with that man because he was single? No, they did not. Women have a huge tendency to measure their worth by the relationship they are in and not by who they are as an individual. This is a huge mistake in the dating world, and in life.

A woman should never give all the dirt about herself in the initial getting to know a person stages. They should allow a man to get to know the better attributes about themselves first. Not disclosing all your dirt is not lying to a man, as many women think. In the initial phase of getting to know someone, you are not even sure that the man sitting across from you is someone you would consider good material for a lifetime partner, so why would you divulge all your life secrets to them? If a man truly is interested in you, allow them to get to know whom you are as a person in doses, showing the good attributes about yourself first. If you drop the baggage bomb right off the bat you are shutting the doors to a possible mate that would have taken you for both the good and the bad in the future. Men who jump on those women who drop the baggage bombs in the beginning of a relationship are the ones who are seeking the vulnerable and are the ones who will take you for the ride and leave you crushed later.

Here are some good rules to live by in the getting to know you stage of a relationship.

1. Wait and save the deep dark secrets later when a more committed relationship has developed. However, be fair to the man as well if the deep dark secrets are criminal and pending, or if it is something that can affect his physical or mental well-being.

2. Everyone has baggage, men too; however, there is no need to bring it out on a first date or second for that matter. Small doses as you go are easier for a man to digest.

3. Who cares if your eyebrows do not match, save the physical complaints you have about yourself for your dentist, beautician, or someone who can do something about them. Trust me; men are not paying that close attention to the stuff you nick pick about yourself. By pointing these things out about yourself you only make yourself look self-conscious and insecure.

4. Save the pet peeves for when you know you are actually are in a relationship. Men know the common pet peeves of women (hating cheaters, liars, lazy, etc…) so you do not need to re-list them all. This will definitely be refreshing for a man to sit on a date and not hear the “list”.

5. Do not be afraid of silent time and try filling it with mindless garbage. Let it happen and be comfortable with it. Allow him to initiate conversation as well. Often time’s body language speaks louder then words. However, if the date is going poorly, do not waste yours or their time and politely thank them for meeting you, extend a “take care” and leave. Do not leave the other to thinking you will call them later. Do not lie and say you enjoyed your time with them. If need be, simply say, it was nice to meet you but I do not think there is a connection, wish them luck on their dating ventures and excuse yourself.