Soulmate BLOG

Am I doing Something Wrong in My Relationship?

By Ms. Soulmate, on August 5th, 2009

This was sent by a male reader and we are posting it with his permission to elicit some advice and comments for him . . .

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I am currently dating this amazing girl. We have been dating for almost half a year and we both know we want to be together for the rest of our lives. I know, some people might think that’s moving fast but neither one of us have ever felt this way before. That being said, I sometimes think a bit too much because past relationships have clouded my mind.

In my last relationship (that was more than 3 years ago) was really lovely and sometimes was a bit much. The girl I’m with now comes from a family that is more stoic and they don’t really show or talk about their feelings. I’m the complete opposite way. We make each other so happy, and she’s told me that the only thing that bothers her are the times when I ask her if she’s OK, sometimes over and over because I just want her to be happy, and I realize it’s something wrong with me, that I worry a bit. Also, I love being lovey, hugging and kissing and cuddling. She’s not used to it, she said she loves it but she “doesn’t need it”.

What can I do to improve myself? How can I change my outlook to make us stronger. I know neither one of us are going to give up but I just don’t want my tendency to worry too much sometimes to cause any problems, and do I just step back with all the touchy stuff and let her come to me? I’d really appreciate some advice… I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this kind of stuff… that’s why I’m writing you, and I hope that you can offer some advice of some kind.

PS. there are times when we’re quiet too… it’s normal for couples just to be quiet sometimes, right?

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Ms. Soulmate

August 5th, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Sometimes we women are our own worst enemies. We will preach to the high heavens we want someone who is nice, affectionate, and gives us attention. Then when that man come along we either don’t pay attention or worse cause problems in the relationship.

This sounds like your lady love might have this “syndrome”. We (ladies) want nice guys but we crave “bad” boys. This bad boy persona draws us in over and over. We want either what we can’t have, or the one who could care less about us.

In this case you seem sure of your feelings and communicate them to your girlfriend in your actions and words. You might want to curb this for a while. A little bit of mystery from you, so she doesn’t know what your thinking all the time, may spark her interest. If she becomes unsure that she “has you” it may make her want you more.

I may get some flak from the others for this because I am advocating playing games but sorry that’s life – you have to play games whether they are normally the way you act or forced. You have to make your partner think there are others interested simply because this reinforces her interest. If others find you attractive it gives her another reason to hold on herself. Once you pull back she will then take the initiative and show some affection herself.

Most importantly, you must remember to be you. Regardless of what you may think now – she may not be the one for you. You may need someone more verbal and affectionate. If that is what makes you happy and she doesn’t come around it’s you that maybe should move on. What you need and like is a great way to be, your not asking here to dress like a Playboy Bunny and go out in public, your asking her to talk with you and show affection – both normal and absolutely necessary in any relationship to remain healthy and vibrant.

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Am I doing Something Wrong in My Relationship?

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