Soulmate BLOG

So, you are in a new relationship and for the most part everything appears to be great.  Sparks are ignited and the sex is out of this world.  You laugh and have a great time together but how do you tell if you are really in love with this person or just the feeling you are having, otherwise known as infatuation.  Distinguishing between love and infatuation can be difficult at times especially if your caught up in the moment and not watching for the ever so slight signals that can tell you that what your feeling is more likely infatuation.

One cue to whether or not you are feeling the real thing, the big “L” word is how people around you are reacting to your newfound interest.  Whenever anyone we care about gets involved in a new relationship, we speculate where the relationship is headed be it failure or marriage.  You may here people around you wondering what you see in your new interest or asking if you have set a date yet.  If your friends and family are relaying that they are happy for you and think you have found the one, it may be that you have, but does not mean that you are necessarily feeling that loving feeling quite yet.  What you may be feeling is what can lead to that loving feeling and upon doing some self-evaluations you can help determine just where you do stand.  First thing you have to ask yourself is how comfortable do you feel with the new person in your life.  Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person happily or are you just thinking this person would be better then no one.

Love changes and people who are in love grow together through these changes.  Infatuation tends to try to maintain that same initial high and when the high goes, no effort is made towards change to say, keep the fires burning.  Love is what builds dreams and see those dreams come to life.  Love brings out the best in people wanting the best for the one they love and their relationship.  Love brings trust, equal sharing of thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and ever changing growth.

Infatuation on the other hand may have strong emotional feelings in the beginning that can feel like love, but at the same time become smothering.  Infatuation has unrealistic expectations for the moment to stay just as it is, never changing.  There are often strong insecurities involved as well as trust issues.  Infatuation will present with disloyalties, lack of any true commitment, one-sidedness, feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously.  A certain amount of infatuation may present at the beginning of a love connection, however the major issues involved in infatuation do not present at the same degree and as the relationship ages obvious changes for the better are constantly happening.

There are many questions you can ask yourself to tell if what you are feeling is truly love or infatuation.  One big question to ask yourself is if the relationship brings out the best in both parties involved.  Other questions you can ask of yourself are:

Are you happy?  Do you feel like you are treated as if you are valued?  Does your partners’ parent know about you?  Have you maintained your life on a positive note (e.g. work, school, outside friendships and family relations)?  Do you foresee a positive future with this person?  Do you plan things for the future as a couple?  If you answered “no” to any of these questions you need to re-evaluate your relationship because more then likely what you are feeling is infatuation.

So where and why do these feelings of infatuation present one may wonder.  Surges of dopamine in our brain that causes us to feel good, norepinephrine stimulates our adrenaline causing the rushing or pounding heart affect, phenylethalimine gives us that feeling of bliss and oxytocin provides that heightened sexual arousal; the combination of these heightened levels of chemicals that occurs with feelings of infatuation overrides your brains ability to use reason and logic.  When people have had multiple relationships, they can build up a tolerance to them and require even higher production of them to get that high feeling causing people who become addicted to the whole infatuation feeling.  When the infatuation feeling dies in a relationship they will quickly move on to the next to achieve that feeling once again never really giving any  relationship to even see if a deeper relationship can develop.

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