Soulmate BLOG

If you are beginning to suspect that your partner maybe inclined to getting abusive, here are some signs to watch out for:

One of the most common and important signs your partner may be abusive is that they manage to gain control of themselves just when they need to. For instance, if they have had a bad time with their bosses, they would still manage to remain calm with them, and with everybody else around at their office (including the ones they can somewhat afford to show their dissatisfaction to). All the anger and frustration would vent out later on you, or their other loved ones. This proves that the cause of their frustration may not exactly be anger.

Abusers are also good at putting on the cool and collected look just mid way between the arguments, when they need to. For instance, suppose the phone rings while your partner is having one of those serious fights with you. Your partner would instantly stop and be able to collect himself/herself back till you are done with answering and hanging up the call, in such restrain that it could be surprising.

People who abuse tend to hit people they love at places where the bruises would not show easily. They also have this tendency to try and ‘fright’ you by violent acts and gestures, such as smashing glass, breaking stuff, etc.

Another one of the signs your partner may be abusive is that they tend to restrict your freedom. They do not let you interact much with the outside world, and probably even try to restrict your access to money, the phone, the car, etc, without any sensible reason. They treat their partners as more of objects and tend to criticize them often. Your accomplishments would not get noticed enough, and the efforts you put in to please them would not be given much importance.

People who tend to be abusive by nature are also good at putting the blame on others for all their actions. They would make it sound as if it was your fault that they lost their temper and self control, even when you both know that it is not true. And if not so, then they would start justifying their lack of self control and bad conduct on issues such as ‘bad childhood’, ‘lack of parental love’, ‘immense work pressure’ etc.

Another thing to note is that they seldom feel guilty for their acts. You may hear them apologizing, but what you do not hear is their fear of getting caught doing you harm, which incidentally also happens to be the actual reason for the apology. The worst part is that, once an episode gets over, they soon begin to fantasize what they could accuse you of next. The process just goes on.

If you are beginning to feel emotionally numb and afraid of your partner, and tend to regularly face embarrassment in front of friends and family due to causes directly or indirectly inflicted by your partner, and get constantly threatened by threats like ‘I will commit suicide’, or ‘I will leave you worth nothing’, you better go and check if these are signs your partner may be abusive.