Soulmate BLOG

This is one of my personal pet peeves. You spend a whole night out on a first date and then you hear from your friend who introduced you that the girl thought you were boring. How could you tell – you didn’t even give me 10 minutes to say anything. If you really want to get to know the guy you are out on a date with, allow him to (at least sometimes) lead the conversation.If you do not want to get to know the guy you are out on a date with, monopolize the conversation and you will not only not get to know the man, but you will also have the man thinking you are very self-centered. It is a sure fire way not to get a second date if that is your ultimate goal.

When you allow a guy to talk on a date you may notice many things about him. You might not have otherwise caught while you did all the talking. One such thing, which may not seem like a huge issue is how your date handles dead air, or long silent pauses. If he has the ability to be comfortable with silence, or can initiate conversation during a silent pause, it is a good signal that communication comes easy for him, which is a good sign for a positive relationship. If he has difficulty handling silence then it is a good indicator that he may have communication issues and if a relationship were to develop with him and an issue was to arise from his ability to contribute to talking through it may be limited.

When your date asks questions about you, he is genuinely interested in knowing more about you. If he has no problem monopolizing the conversation about himself, with endless stories of his greatness you can tell immediately, he is both very insecure and needing validation, or he has an ego out of this world. That does not mean when he does ask you questions about you that you take over the conversation. Try to keep your responses genuine but short and to the point. Do not go into long detail about how something came about – you will lose his interest quickly. Make sure you always follow up with another question about him. A great question to ask a guy is what their future goals are. If a man has no goals set for his life, even if he is 50 years old, you can about bet his ambitions, and self-esteem are low. You can also tell then if his goals are similar to yours or compatible with what you would like for your future.

You can learn a lot about your date’s mannerism when he talks as well. Watch to see if he is looking at you when he speaks, or if he is haphazardly making eye contact or watching the big screen ball game. If the attentiveness is not there on the first date count on it not being there at all in future dates, let alone during a longer term relationship. Watch to see how comfortable he is, if he is sitting relaxed, slouched, or uptight. All are indicators of his personality. If he is sitting relaxed, he is comfortable with you, slouched, he is either not really into the date, lazy, or has a very apathetic attitude, uptight or frigid sitting can be a great indicator of someone who is uptight in life. Watch how he addresses the waiter or waitress. If he is pleasant, that is great, but if he is rude and demanding, you can expect that out of him in a relationship as well. If you are monopolizing the conversation, you can miss many of these small indicators as to what type of person you are sitting with.

Try to steer away from talk of any ex-relationships. If you find him talking excessively about an ex, either good, or bad, he may not be emotionally really available to begin a healthy relationship. Talking about his work is a great way to see how his ethics fit in with yours. If he talks enthusiastically about his job, that is great. However, if he talks obsessively it may mean that his main loyalties are to his job only, and you may have a work alcoholic on your hands. If he downgrades his work, or talks about how many different jobs he has had in the last year, run, unless you do not mind supporting a grown man.

Briefly talk about family and see how he responds. You can simply ask him where he grew up. Remember, you are not digging for his whole life family history. Nonetheless, if he goes right into down talking everything in his life, there could be reason for concern. If he tells you he calls or stops in and checks in with his parents on every decision, be afraid – be very afraid. It means he is not very independent in his thoughts, or confident in making his own life choices.

If you know he has siblings, ask if he has any nieces or nephews. Listen to how he talks about them and children in general. You do not want to come out and ask him on a first date if he wants children in his life. Conversely, you can get a small feel for how he feels about them through talking about children, his own, or others, that are close to him. If he already has kids and offers up information on them, listen inventively and watch his facial expressions in how he describes them. If his face lights up, he is all about kids. If he acts as if it is a burden, and you want children, he is not the one for you.

By being over bearing in a conversation, you do not give the man a chance to reveal anything about himself; and you give a lot more away about yourself then you realize. If you leave no intrigue or mystery for a man to be curious about, he will lose interest, and more than likely, you will not get a call for a second date, even if you are truly interested in him.

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