Soulmate BLOG

You’re married and enjoying the experience when should you consider having children?  This is an issue that all couples deal with at one point in their relationship.  Hopefully you have talked about your desire to have a family before you got married so you are both on the same page as to whether or not you will have children and now the question simply becomes a matter of when.  Each couple may feel differently about this topic and unfortunately sometimes even both partners will disagree, but coming to an agreement will help keep the relationship happy and moving forward.

Children are a wonderful addition to your family, but the truth is that they are also a lot of work and can put a strain on your marriage as you learn to adjust to the changing demands.  This is, in the end, a good thing because this strain helps you to grow stronger as a couple and cements the bond you have together, however it is important to make sure you are ready before entering this next phase together.  Taking the time to talk things over with your partner is an important part of deciding when you are ready to have children.

It is vital that you feel that your marriage is strong and happy before you start having children.  It is never a good idea to have children to “fill a void” or in the hopes that it will bring you closer as a couple.  When this is the intent the effects are usually quite the opposite.  A couple that has had the time to grow and bond together will have a better chance of surviving the storm of having children together.  They will be able to create a fair division of duties and to count on one another during a time of crisis rather than tearing each other apart – which is quite a natural response when both partners are sleep deprived.

All too often a couple tries to “save” their relationship by starting a family with disastrous consequences.  A strong relationship is something that must be built before you start having children.  If you are just married and enjoying the experience together, keep enjoying it.  Make sure that you have weathered some storms together to see how well you handle crises together before you put your relationship under the strain of having children.

The important thing to recognize is that there is no rush.  It is a wonderful thing to enjoy being married and learning to take care of each other before bringing new people into the relationship.  This is not meant to imply that having children isn’t a wonderful and important thing, but learning to keep the fire burning now will help you forgive the other person’s faults when they haven’t slept for days and you get cranky with one another.  When you have built that strong foundation, your love for one another will deepen as you share in the joy of having children together.  Your children will be happier and better adjusted because of the happy loving relationship they see in their parents.