Soulmate BLOG

Everyone experiences at least one break up in their lifetime, and if you never have, count yourself extremely lucky and go out and buy some lottery tickets because luck like that doesn’t come around often.  However, a break up does not need to feel like the end of the world as it does for many.  Number one rule to tell yourself at the time of a break up is “It is not the end of the world”.  No matter how bad it may feel know this: You will get over it and move on.  There are several things you can do to ease the pain of a break up that will help you get over your ex as well as move into your next relationship on a stable and healthy ground.

1.  Breath in – breath out. Your breathing, your alive, you may hurt but you are breathing and that is a great start.  It is okay to smile, cry, scream, and then do it all over again as long as you are breathing, all is good.  Some may question how some one could smile after a breakup.  Many times a relationship is over before the actual break up, and in these situations, although there still may be pain involved there is also a sense of relief and that can bring a smile to ones face.

2. Feel the pain. Yep, make sure you allow yourself to feel the heartache of the break up but set a time frame.  Tell yourself “I am going to allow myself to be miserably sad for the next three days”.  “I am going to eat a gallon of ice cream” or what not for you ladies.  “I am going to sulk and feel sorry for myself and call my bests girlfriend and cry on their shoulder”, but on the fourth day your going to take a shower and clean up face and swear to not think about your ex for at least 8 hours that day.  Men deal with pain differently then women, not that they don’t feel pain, they just don’t always overtly express it or when they do it is in a different fashion.  They may punch a hole in the wall, drive fast, go on a three day binger with the boys or may totally suppress it, which by the way, is the worse one of the choices.  The important part is to feel the pain and the emotion of a break up.  When we feel the pain, we learn from this pain as well as learn how to better deal with emotional hard times.  By setting a time frame we tell ourselves we will not allow this to stop us from living.  As you go through more break ups, which of course I hope you don’t, you will find that you will be better apt to deal with it and move through the stages quicker.  That will not mean one relationship was less significant then another, it just means you have learned how to process and work through emotional heart ache.

3.  Process what went wrong. Accept the break up and process what you feel went wrong.  Ideally, it would be wonderful if at the end of a relationship it were discussed on an adult manner to where both parties accepted their down falls in the relationship giving each party closure; however, that rarely happens so it is up to you to process what you can and push past it.  Accept your failures, learn from them, and do not dwell on them.  After all, we are all human and we all make mistakes.  We all have things we wish we would have done differently, but sometimes those very same things could have came at a huge cost to either ones values or beliefs.  Toss them to the curb and stick to who you are.  Someone out there was made just for you.  Every relationship is a learning experience; a chance for us to evaluate really what we do and do not want in a relationship.  There may have been many great things about your ex that you adored, take mental notes of the great things and know that is what you would like to have in a future partner.  However, at the same time make mental notes of the things you did not care for that you would be a deal breaker in a future relationship and avoid those traits. 

4.  Don’t allow sentimental to cloud your thoughts.  Remember why the relationship did not work.  Too often, we allow sentimental to cloud our judgments remembering only the good and failing to remember all the things that made your relationship at times a living nightmare.  The saying “a person is only as good as their worse moments” should be your thought process.  Considering going back to the same situation with out some long term couples counseling is not wise.

5.  Set a new goal. Simple or huge, it doesn’t matter as long as it is something positive you can divert some of your attention to.  Yes, you will still think about your ex during this time, but as the days wear on, it will become increasingly less.  A new goal in your life will help decrease obsessive thoughts over what you could have, should have and wish you would have done thoughts that will creep into your mind.  Your new goal can be as simple as cleaning a room a day in your home to something more exciting such as sky diving.  The main thing is that the goal is something realistic and something you can achieve.

6.  Occupy your time. By staying active, you allow yourself to not only grow as a person but also not dwell on the past.  Agree to volunteer at a local function or set plans with friends in advance and stick to your calendar plans.  No last minute back outs because you are feeling blue; it is those time that it is even more important to get up and get out.

7.  Put the past behind you. Either get rid of or store away any past reminders of your ex.  It is time to move on.  You have worked through the break up and it is now time to put it behind you.  It is a new day, a fresh start, and you have a brand new outlook on life.  You know what you want and nothing is going to stand in your way from receiving anything less then what you deserve; the best!

8.  Improve, Grow, and Move. Focus on you, your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.  Improve on all these aspects of your life.  Take the time to grow and then move forward and do not look back.

9.  Hit the dating circuit. You are ready!  You know what you want and you deserve it.  Allow yourself to open your heart and be ready for the right to come and prove to you that you do deserve the best.  Have fun, enjoy the you!  Stick to your guns, don’t settle and always take care of you.  Stay with your goals and personal improvements.  The cliché “the world is your oyster” is true and you are a pearl, man or woman.

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