Soulmate BLOG

In order to be able to maintain a healthy relationship you have to know what oneis – so just what is a healthy relationship?  Basically it exhibits an equal contribution from both parties in all aspects of the give and take of human interaction.

You know you are in one when bad times are just that, bad times that pass, you weather through them and come out stronger and often times with a deeper understanding of your partner or appreciation for them.  This allows for individuality; you are allowed to be yourself and enjoy things or interest comfortably while remaining emotional intact to your partner.  You know you have a good connection when you still enjoy each other’s company and laugh a lot!  A healthy relationship is built on trust and respect.  Both partners have willingness to negotiate or compromise; yet not compromise their personal values or morals, and they can agree to disagree, and continue to love one another for who they are and not what they want each other to be.  You must value each other’s opinions, thoughts, and words.  It is honest, it does not harbor ill feelings, it has a safe open communication line to express any problems that may come up and find resolution.  The relationship is supportive, nurturing, and endearing, and has a balance, not necessarily one-to-one, in their economic partnership.  They make financial decisions together and both parties feel safe and secure.

In order to get to this point you need to learn to balance your life, your time, wants, needs, priorities and self while still maintaining your partner as an important part of your life, just not your whole life.  You need to open up the lines of communication and not let things fester under the surface.  Open and honest communication is the biggest factor in gaining a healthy relationship.  Not only do you have to have an open line of communication but also you have to be willing to listen and understand where your partner is coming from on issues.  Understanding doesn’t always mean agreeing, but it does mean that you are giving credence to your partners’ right to have their own feelings and thoughts.  That leads to the autonomy of a person, not from the relationship, but making the person whole and autonomous, not needy and dependent.

How do you maintain this intangible thing – the relationship?  Besides communication, sharing what your thoughts are and expressing your feelings open and honestly; you have to make time to be affectionate, show your partner that you do care about them and their feelings, wants, needs and desires but in a fit balance.  Spend time together and by spending time together does not equate to sitting in front of the TV in zombie mode, never talking, or even exchanging a glance or touch – spend quality time together.  Just as important, as it is to do things you enjoy apart from one another, it is equally important to do things together that you both enjoy, many times just because your with the other person.  You need to laugh together and have fun.

It is important to let your partner know how you feel about them, use your words and don’t just assume they should know.  Although actions can sometimes speak louder than words, both men and women like and need to be told from time to time verbally how you feel as well.  Be patient; as the saying goes, nothing is accomplished over-night.  Acknowledge when your partner does things for you that you appreciate.  I don’t care how many more times you do the dishes then he does or visa versa, show your appreciation.  You might be surprised at how much more often little things such as that are done, or maybe even done together.  Pay attention to the little details too.  Drop an occasional “I love you” note in their shirt or coat pocket or even a sweet flirtation.  And yes, do not ever stop flirting with your partner.  There is no better way to show a man or a woman that you are extra special in their life then flirting when in a committed relationship.  Don’t let the romance die.  Be supportive of each other and accept each other the way they are, faults and all.

Every couple faces troubled waters sometime in their relationship; it is how you wade through the waters by using positive relationship skills that will determine how you come out in the end.  A healthy relationship built on a sound foundation, based on trust, open communication, and love and respect for your partner.