Soulmate BLOG

A new relationship is fun and exciting, it like a honeymoon phase where the attention level is high, the sex is great and often, and each partner is highly concerned in meeting the other partners needs and desires.  As a relationship progresses life begins to settle.  The dates may not be as frequent and the sex may dwindle some, but over all you are still very happy with your new love.  You have become comfortable with your new partner.  This is the stage in your relationship that will determine if you stay in this holding pattern for the next 9 years or if the right relationship that progresses to marriage.

There is no secret formula, magic potion, or perfect game plan that will make a relationship progress into a committed long-term/marriage relationship.  The success of any relationship is based off you and your partner however; great communication, mutual attraction, and mutual goals do help a relation progress past a holding pattern into a committed relationship.  .

A problem that happens often with couples is that one partner wants the relationship to advance to the next level well before the other partner.  This can lead to the partner not yet comfortable in advance the relationship a lot of anxiety and stress and if pressed too much to take the next step, the relationship can fail.  If you feel you are ready for your relationship to step up to the next level, but your partner is not quite there yet, pressing the issue can cost you the relationship.  First, evaluate in your own mind what amount of time is acceptable for you to wait for the next step to take place.  Discuss with your partner what they would like to see happen or become of the relationship, what their needs and goals are as well as concerns.  Discuss what is great about your relationship but also be willing to discuss things that could stand for improvement and what each are willing to do to help make those improvements.  Do not get argumentive; just listen as you may find the reason behind the caution in your partner.  And by all means, do not become needy or obsessive about marriage/commitment.

When your relationship feels like it is in a holding pattern it may simply be because you have both become comfortable at status quo and not necessarily that one in the relationship is dodging any progression.  If you want your relationship to step up the pace, there are a few things you can do to make your partner aware of your desires without sounding as if you are pitching an ultimatum.  First, communicate.  If you have dropped hints in the past that you would like to see some progression in your relationship ad feel as if the hints have fell on deaf ears just sit down with your partner and tell them what you would like to see in the next year, 3 years, 5 or 10.  When you have a healthy sit down with your partner, do not come across wimpy or whiney.  You sound desperate and that is not an attractive quality.  Also, do not come across cocky!  That trait might work for you in business or the gym, but when discussing matters of the heart it comes off as an ultimatum, and no one wants to feel that pressure.  It will backfire.  Ladies, the comments such as how you know many men would love to have someone like you by their side will only get you a response you do not want to hear.  Don’t try to use trickery or threats to get a man to be with you.  If you go that route and it for some reason should work, you can bet it will only be temporary and you will find yourself looking for them imaginary friends you used in your threat.

So how do you know your relationship is in a holding pattern going nowhere or if it just needs a little encouragement to move to the next level?  If you have been sitting in a holding pattern for an extended period and even after discussions about desires to move forward you have not seen any changes, it is a good indicator that it is time to move on.  Evaluate the reason the relationship came to a holding pattern and what part you may have played in it.  If your relationship has developed into a holding pattern because you have been too timid to approach the subject of commitment, it could indicate that you already subconsciously know your partner has no desire to take it any further.  You are already feeling a level of disconnection.  If you feel like you have been doing everything to keep the relationship together solo, the relationship has already died.

If you feel that both of you are really trying to work on the relationship, even if the progress is slow, it may be worth sticking with it if you truly feel love for your partner.  People evolve at different rates.  There is no way anyone can say what is right or comfortable for another to move into a deeper committed level.  Base your decision if the relationship is right by using a combination of logic, reasoning, and your heart.  Trust your gut feelings