Soulmate BLOG

What does it mean to be confident? Is it walking with a straight back and chin up high in the air? Or is it a sense of pride, of feeling good, of knowing you are doing something or have done with a positive intention? Well, it can be both!

I am a trainer, a dating coach for men and women who focuses on building attraction. Attraction is a funny thing, because I may feel someone is attractive and you may think I’m from another planet! Or vice-versa.  

Even the top models of the world can look sexy and beautiful but does that mean they are attractive all around? What about their personalities? If someone’s personality is shallow or they live in a bubble, I find that to be extremely unattractive actually. So the judges who label the models a 10, in my eyes they may be a 7 or an 8. What about you? 

I have one client who is 65, and he thinks being attractive is by being “overly nice”.  The problem is his object of affection, a very pretty 58 yr old woman, tends to be attracted to men who have more of a spine and may even carry some tendencies to being a “bad boy”, who isn’t always available and ‘around’ to hang out. But also has his own schedule and his own life to lead. Before he started to work with me, he would drop everything and anything for her at any given time. 

Now, you may be reading this and say “aww that’s so sweet I wish I had that”, but let me tell you that is fantasy talk.  Maybe at first it’s all fun and cute, but after a few months it’s a huge turn-off. Of course if you’ve never really had that before you may “think” that’s what you want, but more often then not we as humans think we want something a specific way and then after we have it we change our minds. For example when buying a house, or moving into the city. If you wanted a pet to follow you around everywhere and not talk back to you get a dog.

Anyway it has been over half a year since I started working with him and his improvement has soared dramatically! She sees him now as a completely new person! (They dated for a year and a half and she broke up with him, told him he needs help and to talk to a professional).  Little does she know he came to me and not a therapist. 

Therapists are great for emotional support, but when it comes to dating advice or relationship issues they rarely have answers that actually make a difference! They know how to make you ‘feel good’ in the moment, but in terms of actually creating change well, that’s where you need a coach like me to help alter your destructive patterns and behaviors.

Men like confident women and women like confident men, end of story.  I can’t date insecure girls. I’ve tried and I guess there is a part of me that wants to “help” them, but they aren’t looking for any help or guidance. That is just part of who they are and they are ok with that. 

You can’t really fake confidence though, because it isn’t genuine and therefore your insecurity will find ways to seep through every so often.  Confidence can be learned though and taught.

I for instance put my clients through different “missions” to be completed until the next time I see them and the results we see together are phenomenal! After a few weeks/months it really is as if they are a completely new person!

I love seeing others succeed. Especially when it comes to people who have always had trouble in those fields and they managed to figure out a way to seek the right advice, the right tools, the right resources and utilize them in ways to change their unsuccessful pasts.