Soulmate BLOG

Breakup/Makeup Your Are on a Treadmill That Won’t End

By Mr Soulmate, on July 21st, 2009

Human relationships are one of the most complicated functions of our body and the emotions that we experience, as human beings, still defy prediction or category. There are different levels, or even types, of love that we feel for each person in our lives. One thing that many people experience in their relationships with significant others is multiple breakups. We breakup with a person; but then keep going back to them repeatedly. If you are one of these people or know someone who is experiencing this, then you know how confusing it becomes over time. I hope that I can bring a smidgen of logic to this scenario with this article.

If you are someone who has been living this breakup/makeup cycle, it may be time for you to sit down and examine why you keep returning for another dose. Is it because you are in truly in love with them or is there a comfort factor that is driving your emotions? Eventually, you are going to have to be honest with yourself and decide if you ever want this cycle of breaking up/making up to an end. If it is love that is driving your return, then you are going to want to work out whatever problem that causes the friction to facilitate these recurring breakups. Any healthy relationship requires some work but this one will certainly require an extra effort since you have broken up/made up multiple times. The other person may be as confused as you are about the whys and how’s of your mutual circumstances.

The only answer is a direct, honest conversation when every issue is discussed openly, without the prejudice of past hurt feelings. If you love this person, you must sit down, discuss the situation, and arrive at a reasonable plan of action to correct the problems on each side. Unless there is some kind of concrete issue such as drug dependency or persistent cheating most problems can be solved or compromised to each partner’s satisfaction. Both partners must be willing to work on the relationship if it is to succeed. Breaking up/making up multiple times will be confusing to both parties in the relationship for many reasons. If you can find the root problem in the relationship, you can fix it and continue with your relationship. If not, however, you may be destined to keep repeating the cycle until one of you says, “that’s enough”. If you love your partner, you must stop the breakups; otherwise, one or the other will ultimately give up.

The behavior of returning to a relationship because you feel safe must stop immediately. It is certainly not fair to give the other person this roller coaster of emotions; besides not being healthy to your own emotional well-being. Both people remain confused, and emotional scars may last for many years if you do not handle the situation honorably, and with tact.

We all have an obligation to the other person in our relationships to be at least honest, and forthright; not using our emotional hold on someone to further our own selfish agenda.

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Ms. Soulmate

August 29th, 2009 at 7:17 pm

Steph,
Throughout your comment you only mention all the bad/wrong things in your relationship – not one good comment.

I think you really have answered your own question whether you realize it or not.

STEPH

August 29th, 2009 at 6:07 pm

I HAVE BEEN IN A BREAK UP MAKE UP RELATIONSHIP FOR A YEAR IN A HALF I CANT EVEN COUNT HOW MANY TIME’S WE BROKE UP. I DONT KNOW IF ITS LOVE, SECURITY , OR MONEY ALL I KNOW IS THERE’S A PART OF ME THAT DEPENDS ON HIM FOR SOMETHING .
I USED TO DO EVERYTHING HE TOLD ME TO IN THE BEGINNING THEN I BROKE UP WITH HIM FOR A CHANGE , THE TABLES TURNED A LITTLE . BUT THE FIGHTING NEVER STOPPED .WE’RE DIFFERENT ,WE’RE NOT FROM THE SAME PLACE IN FACT HES FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD .AND I’M A PROUD AMERICAN AND NOT ASHAMED OF WHO I AM . THERE’S SO MANY THINGS TEARING US APART, I’M A MOTHER VS HES USED TO DOING WHATEVER HE WANTS , I’M LOGICAL VS HE’S IN-PRACTICAL ALWAYS ASKING FOR MORE, I LIKE TO MAKE PLANES TO DO STUFF VS THAT TURNS HIM OFF IT MAKES HIM WANT TO CHANGE HIS MIND AT LAST MINUTE
WHAT DO I DO ???
DO I LET HIM GET ON THE PLANE AND LEAVE OR DO I STOP HIM AND TRY TO MAKE IT WORK. EITHER WAY ITS HARD .

July 24th, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Unfortunately, it sounds like your partner, while being in love with you, is just not ready to be married. I don’t know how old you are but it may be he is just too emotionally young. Some men are too young when they are 28 and others when they are 38. My grandmother/grandfather married at 17 and stayed married till their deaths in their late 70s.

Most social psychologists suggest that women decide to marry when they meet the right man. Conversely, men will marry the woman they have a relationship with at the time they determine marriage is right for them.

You have to accept your boyfriends decision, putting any type of pressure to induce him to marry would be a big mistake. Possibly just suggest you go on with the relationship and if either of you meet someone else just see what happens. Many times when a man realizes he may really lose you it convinces him that it is more important to be with you and that quells his indecision.

Dianna

July 23rd, 2009 at 11:46 am

I have been in a year in a half relationship with a man whom I love but about a month and a half ago he broke it off with me to only want me back a month ago so we decided to take it slow but he talked me into coming back home and working things. we were engaged at the time of the breakup so when we got back together he proposed marriage again and I gladly accepted but a week ago he called off the wedding which was planned for august 10th and also told me he had doubt and second thoughts about us so I was going to move out but decided to stay now I am thinking twice about staying I am so confused anymore about this man I don’t know if I should stay or go he says he loves me but I say how can u love me with doubt I don’t believe him at all anymore and all this has done is now put doubt in my mind about him what should I do?? I know I don’t want to live on a roller coaster anymore.

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Breakup/Makeup Your Are on a Treadmill That Won’t End

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